Don't Harsh My Mellow: Navigating the Need to Solve Other People’s Problems as an Enneagram 7

Navigating the Enneagram 7 Tendency to Seek Quick Resolutions

As an Enneagram 7, my natural inclination is to chase joy, adventure, and lightness. We’re known for our optimism and enthusiasm, often diving headfirst into new experiences. However, this desire for happiness can sometimes manifest as an overwhelming urge to resolve situations quickly, especially when we perceive emotional baggage or tension in those we care about.

Often, this manifests in my tendency to take on the problems of those around me, feeling an innate responsibility to help them find solutions. While my intentions are genuine, this urge can inadvertently add pressure to those I love, making me appear dismissive of their feelings.

The Challenge of Witnessing Unresolved Struggles

Enneagram Sevens thrive on positivity and can become frustrated when others seem stuck in their struggles. It’s incredibly frustrating to see someone we care about struggle when we can clearly see a different path available to them. This frustration often leads to wanting to push people toward solutions we can clearly see, believing that if they just embraced a lighter perspective, everything would be fine.

This can be particularly disheartening because it’s like watching someone struggle to open a door when there’s already a window wide open right next to it. They could just climb through the window and experience love, connection, and healing, but they’re fixated on getting through that one door. No amount of explaining that the window is right there seems to make a difference. It feels as if they are determined to cling to their past pain rather than embrace the possibilities that lie before them.

In these moments, it’s essential to remind ourselves that while we may see a solution clearly, their journey is unique, and they must navigate it in their own time. Accepting this reality can help us cultivate patience and compassion, allowing us to support them without becoming overwhelmed by our frustration. The Seven's tendency to want to encourage others to embrace a lighter perspective can overlook the complexity of their emotions and experiences. We must remember that while we may seek resolution, it’s crucial to acknowledge the deeper emotional journeys others may be on.

Motivations Behind Our Tendency to Seek Quick Resolutions

1. Desire for Lightness: As an Enneagram 7, you naturally gravitate toward positivity, joy, and fun. When others' unresolved issues or emotional baggage create tension, it can feel like a disruption to your preferred state of being. This desire for lightness might lead you to wish that those around you would simply “get it together” so that you can enjoy your experiences without added stress.

2. Fear of Contagion: It's common for individuals to feel that the emotional states of others can "spill over" into their own lives. If someone you care about carries a lot of unresolved pain or tension, it can affect the overall atmosphere during gatherings. Your discomfort might stem from a natural instinct to protect your emotional space, wanting to keep things positive and enjoyable.

3. Frustration with Inefficiency: Your frustration with problematic people in your life could arise from a desire for efficiency and resolution. You might feel like you’ve identified the issues and want others to address them quickly so that you can return to a state of happiness. This is understandable, especially if you’ve experienced challenges with those individuals in the past.

4. Control and Acceptance: The urge to control situations can stem from Seven's anxiety about uncertainty or discomfort. If you can’t control the healing process of others, it might feel unsettling. Accepting that everyone is on their own journey and will heal at their own pace can help ease some of this tension. While it’s natural to want things to go smoothly, recognizing that it’s not always possible can be liberating.

5. Exploration in Therapy: If you find this tendency is causing significant distress or impacting your relationships, it might be beneficial to explore it in therapy. A therapist could help you navigate these feelings and provide tools to manage your reactions and boundaries.

Striking a Balance

To navigate our tendencies, here are some additional strategies that can help us embrace joy while respecting the emotional landscapes of those around us:

• Pause and Reflect: Before offering solutions, take a moment to consider the other person's feelings. Are they seeking support or simply a listening ear? Acknowledge their emotions first, and then, if appropriate, share your perspective.

• Practice Empathy: Understand that everyone’s healing process is different. What seems like a simple solution to you might be a complex journey for someone else. Approach conversations with an open heart, ready to listen.

• Compassion and Boundaries: You might find it helpful to practice compassion for those struggling while also establishing boundaries for yourself. Acknowledge their journey and recognize that you can’t heal them; they must do that work themselves. It’s okay to prioritize your well-being and seek environments that feel safe and uplifting.

• Embrace Discomfort: This is a tough pill for us 7's to swallow, but it’s okay to feel uncomfortable in situations where resolutions are unclear. Allowing space for emotions to be expressed can lead to deeper understanding and connection, even if it feels heavy at times.

• Releasing Responsibility: Remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix or heal others. Your well-being is important, and you can choose to engage with relationships that uplift you. Focus on how you can support others without taking on their burdens as your own. This can help you maintain your peace while still being there for them in a healthy way.

• Focus on Connection: Rather than pushing for quick resolutions, prioritize building connections. Engage in conversations that foster intimacy and vulnerability, creating an environment where feelings can be shared without the need for immediate solutions.

As Enneagram Sevens, our pursuit of joy is a beautiful trait, but it’s essential to balance this with patience and understanding. By recognizing our tendencies to seek quick resolutions, we can foster deeper connections and create spaces for genuine healing, not just for ourselves but for those we love.